personal - lesser daemon

06

May

Maybe this is enough

Lately I have been feeling what I think might be contentment. This is a bit of a weird thing to be feeling given the general state of affairs outside of my little slice of the world and I find myself second-guessing it pretty often but for the most part the ambient sense of crushing guilt and dissatisfaction that has accompanied me for most of my life appears to be significantly reduced.

About a year ago I set out to try and stop being so stressed out all the time. I stopped saying yes to so many things, quit a job

2 min read

18

Apr

Touching peace

I've always had a fantasy about becoming a monk. I'm not wedded to a particular kind of monk, I just figure a life of peace and solitude dedicated to pursuing a relationship with God or internalizing the Four Noble Truths might be the thing that fixes me.

This is an idle thought that I have not seriously pursued. I love my little treats and abandoning all material attachments sounds hard. I assume I will be stuck in the cycle of samsara for some time yet.

All the different schools of thought on this basically boil down to the bell curve

3 min read

31

Mar

did i pick up a cursed amulet or something

A quick note tonight because there was a fire in my building and I am a bit distracted. Everyone is fine and my apartment is smoky but otherwise intact. I just do not appear to be allowed to catch a break. If I have wronged some supernatural being I apologize but surely there is some way for me to make it up to you. If my karma is bad fair enough but I better get a sweet deal the next time the wheel of samsara turns. Make me a seagull or a frog or something. I know I have it

1 min read

30

Mar

do not engage

I got a bitter and nasty email this morning that kind of threw off my whole day. I don't, generally, like it when people are mad at me, especially in a circumstance like this one where I am pretty much entirely confident that I have done nothing wrong. In this case I was furious about the whole deal and had to stop and calm myself down before proceeding.

Not responding might be the best option - and usually is if it's a social media stranger - but this was someone I know and I have never much liked ghosting people.

2 min read

08

Feb

Between Curiosity and Despair

A friend asked me recently what I'd do if with my time if money and the endless obligations of attempting to maintain a middle-class lifestyle weren't a problem anymore. I had had a few drinks surprised myself by saying that I'd just like to spend time learning things. This is one of those good conversation starters that actually cuts to the core of somebody, and while I think at a surface level of thought I'd say something like "make the world a better place" or "make great art" or whatever, on some instinctual level the thing I like most in

4 min read